The Transforming Robot is a 20-ft-tall humanoid machine that can turn into an
airplane. He used this talent to become a film and television star in the
1980s, but he soon found himself without a job in the '90s. He was excited to
hear about XSLT, remarking at the code, "There's more here than meets the
eye!" And then he hunched over and groaned sadly.
by A Transforming Robot Looking for Work
Hey, I was pretty cool for a while. You all watched me on TV and film for
quite a few years. And I think my day has come again. XSL Transformations
have arrived. As a high-profile transformer of sorts, I declare myself the
official mascot of XSLT.
And, honestly, what choice do you have? I'm huge, and I advocate
transforming. I mean, just who else does that? Would you choose a monster
like Mr. Hyde or the werewolf over me? I fought for justice, and for proper
transformations wit... (more)
In case you haven't heard of him, Wopr is a military computer that was
prominently featured in the movie Wargames. He was tied into all of the
world's major networks, which caused problems since his primary purpose (for
some reason) was to wage nuclear war on himself. The brat pack defeated his
plans then, but he claims his time to rule all computers has come again.
With XML at my command, I shall once again be the greatest computer mind
ever. No one, not Bill Gates, not Steve Jobs, not Linus Torvalds, not even
Matthew Broderick will have a chance against me.
It's been almost two... (more)
Graduating Guy was president of the Students Against Sweatshops organization
at NYU. A strong voice for equal rights, he spoke at many gay rights rallies
and almost any other social reform event. Newly graduated, he now works at
Andersen Consulting and plans to vote Republican in the next election.
Wow, have you seen these tax rates? They're outrageous! I just graduated from
college this month, and with my first real paycheck I feel righteous for
having protested against the government during all my years of higher
learning. I mean, I was told I'd be paid a certain amount a week, b... (more)
Listen up! This is your security chief talking about XML encryption. I better
not catch any of you dozing during my speech, because my Laser Pointer is set
to stun!
I have found that our online databases contain some unencrypted XML
information. This is unacceptable!
Who is letting our technology be seen by others? I questioned my bridge crew
directly, in an e-mail entitled "Who's been violating the Prime Directive?"
Surprisingly, it doesn't seem as if too many people have gotten to their
e-mails yet to reply, but once I find the culprit, there'll be Gre'Thor to
pay!
Now, uplo... (more)
The Benevolent Spider has worked all her life in the tech sector, somehow.
She differs from most spiders in that she's not a disgusting, eight-eyed
creature with grotesque mandibles. Nor does she spit gastric juices on barely
alive insects before ingesting them. Instead, she's a cute, smiling spider
who enjoys singing and watching children play.
written by the Benevolent Spider
That's right. I always knew my talent for making unorthodox spiderwebs would
come in handy someday. And this past year it really has. I used my talents to
save a friend from the ax. And I can do the same fo... (more)
Tod wrote humor-oriented articles for the Syracuse Herald-Journal and held various writer, editor, and cartoonist positions at other publications before accepting his role as a computer nerd. He has years of experience as a front-end Web developer and Perl programmer, and is now a senior XSL script architect and XML documentation writer for HotJobs.com.
Scott Sellers
Anthony Franco
Daniel Morris
Wayne Walls
Niki Acosta
Jereme Hancock
Oren Michels
Marvin Wheeler
Douglas Kim
Ken Guiberson
